How to get money

Cash, moolah, greenbacks, whatever you call it, money is something everyone wants. So I will tell you how to get some.

(Warning; if you get in legal trouble for following any of my advice, do not attempt to sue me; my lawyers are waiting...)

Method A

Step 1: Loan out some worthless items to people, but pretend they mean alot to you. This works best if the people are forgetfull and unorganized.

Step 2: Wait several months without asking for the item back. If the person offers it back, tell them that you don't have room right now, and could they pretty please hold onto it a bit longer?

Step 3: After several months, ask for the item back. In all likelyhood, the person will have lost it by now. Act all upset and tell them that they now owe you a lot of cash for losing your precious item. Annoy them until they pay up.

Method B

Step 1: Find some deep dark secret about one of your freinds or family members.

Step 2: Threaten to tell everyone unless they pay for your silence.

Step 3: Once they have paid you, reveal their secret anyway.

Method C

Step 1: If you're a kid, set up a lemonade stand. Heck, even if you're not a kid.

Step 2: Make the lemonade extremely spicy. It's up to you how you do this, I would suggest some kind of cayenne pepper extract.

Step 3: Make a second pitcher full of milk with about 20 pounds of sugar in it.

Step 4: Price the lemonade really low, a nickle a glass. Hide the milk.

Step 5: when someone drinks your lemonade and begin retching, tell them they can have the antidote for just 5 bucks. If they buy it, the sugar milk will cut the heat. Another satisfied customer!

Does this article make you want to bash my head in? Tell me about it! Comment below!